As I alluded to in my last post of 2023, I’m making some big changes in my life this year. I accepted the position of Library Director at the sweet local library in my town, and I’ve decided to stop baking. I will still be running my business, but without the Cake, or bread, part for the moment. I’ve thought about making changes for quite awhile. I thought that the change would be that I’d lean in to the baking side of the business and bake somewhere other than my home kitchen. But it turned out that when I saw the posting for the library job, I was ready to abandon the baking ship.
Just before I applied for the job, I was talking with a friend of mine. He and his wife have been small scale organic farmers for almost forty years in Pownal. It’s hard work, and they’re getting to an age where they’re ready to make some changes. “I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t farm,” my friend said when we were talking about their options. I agreed, and told him that I felt the same way about baking. I fervently believed that….until I didn’t.
When I baked and delivered my last round of bread for Provisions, I felt relief. Because maybe I had been resenting this part of my life, and maybe it was ruling me rather than the other way around. I fell into baking in my twenties at a time when I didn’t know what I wanted, and it felt comfortable and familiar in a way that nothing else did. I loved being a baker, but I realized that it didn’t need to be my life. I realized that I can bake for fun and enjoyment and do something else to earn a living.
I baked a bunch of cookies for Christmas. I chose some tricky ones to make: Neapolitan checkerboards and macarons. When the checkerboards didn’t turn out quite right, I didn’t stress. I baked the crumbly scraps and we mixed them into ice cream. I made a batch of baguettes for us, and they weren’t perfect. No matter - they still made serviceable and delicious sandwiches. I won’t have to take constant inventory of my kitchen for flour and baking supplies. If I occasionally have to buy bread, I won’t feel like a failure. I can bake things and give them away to friends.
So far, my change in identity has made me feel lighter and more sure of myself rather than less. I love feeling like my new job will contribute to my community. I love learning and facing new challenges. I can still claim the title of baker, but it can’t claim me.
Congratulations on your new position! I've always thought it would be fun to work at a library, especially a small town one.